I’m hoping that by this time next year, I’ll be graduating but then i think about how my mum won’t be here to watch be graduate, and i get sad and quite teary eyed. i guess i never really appreciated my mum when she was here. i kinda always took it for granted that she’ll always be here for me no matter what. she would always be here to listen to my worries and silly fears. she even listens when i rant about the stupidest things. i used to talk to her about everything from my studies, to my relationships, even the shows i watch. i would watch something then think ‘oh i must tell my mum what lady gaga did!’.
i wish i had a chance to tell her i love her before she died but wishing doesn’t change anything. I’m quite sure she knows that i always loved her no matter what. obviously i still miss and i probably will never stop missing her. but i guess i have to move on cause life goes on. i used to fear the day my mum leaves me, and that fear came true. i used to think ‘how would i live without her ? what would i do ?’. now i look back and i think, yes she left me but i still have my dad, we have each other. and as for life without her? it goes on. although sometimes it feels like I’m just going through my days on autopilot. but yea life goes on as much as i want her back, she’s never going to come back and if she did, it would probably scare the hell outta me. so i guess the next time i see her would probably be a long time from now when i die and maybe we’ll meet in heaven. if i go to heaven. my mum was a great person, the things she did for other people even at her own expense. her view on life, her happy go lucky attitude, it would be just unacceptable if she didn’t make it to heaven.
so now i have to learn not to take people for granted.i feel bad nowadays cause i rarely talk to my dad. even though we stay in the same house and sleep in the same room and he sends me to and fro from uni we still rarely talk. but slowly that too shall change. it has to. we can’t continue on this way. but all this will have to wait. because for now my priority will be my exams.