clueless

looking back at my older pictures, i see loads of photos taken with my parents. we were always happy together, always sharing news and stories. sure we had our arguments. sure voices were raised, tears rolled down and sure a couple doors were slammed shut. but we always made up with hours, sometimes minutes. dinner was always a family affair. we would sit and eat together while watching TV or just talking. mostly we watched E! news cause majority always won and thats what me and my mum voted on. my dad didnt mind.

i was really close to my mum. i didnt have the sort of childhood where i had to keep everything a secret from her. we talked about everything, from her past, to our future, to even gossiping about everyone else. we talked about our relatives, we talked about lady gagas dress sense. i complained about uni and she complained about work. we shared everything. sometimes i wondered if she could read my mind cause she knew just what i was thinking or feeling without me saying anything, as much as i tried to hide it, she always knew. she knew when i envied other people, she knew when i was constructing some evil plan in my mind. she just knew. i guess i could say she knew me really well.

looking back at last year, i wondered how it would have been if we knew, if we knew the fate that would befall us. would it have made us cherish the days more, or would every memories not be dampened because of that thought at the back of our minds ?. if we knew what would we have done ? honestly i dont know. and i probably would never know. all i know is that i still miss her. i still have moments where i would read something and think “OMG i must tell mummy about this later”, only to realize that i couldnt. i still feel guilty when i do things i knew she wouldnt approve of.

 

i hope up there in heaven she’s looking down and feeling proud of me and my dad.

 

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One thought on “clueless

  1. camerafilmroll says:

    I know exactly how you feel dear. -hugs (:

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